"Are you trapped in an awkward relationship?"

"Are you trapped in an awkward relationship?"

If a lover of violence shows an occasional gentle attitude, there are those who can not break the relationship. The question 'why' makes the relationship more difficult to break, an expert pointed out.

The question "Why can not I get out of this relationship?" Is not helpful when I know I have an unfair relationship with my opponent, but I can not stop the relationship. That's advice from psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps.

This question may rather cause the current situation to become more solid.

According to Leslie, the question "why" creates the following vicious cycle: The question "Why can not I leave him?" Comes back to the answer, "Because I love you", and the question "Why do I love him?" Leads again to "I have the advantage of him". A question and answer that can not get a solution out of an uncomfortable relationship leads to a situation where the tail ends.

Dr. Lesley advises you to ask 'what' and 'how' rather than 'why'. He said, "Ask questions about what and how" through the American Medical Portal WebMD. "Then we will move toward finding solutions and finding solutions."

◆ Questions about 'what' = First, ask yourself what you are feeling and thinking at the moment. This will help you to understand your present state more deeply and abundantly. Next, ask me what I am experiencing now and what I want to experience in the future.

For example, the question "What am I feeling now?" Can be answered as "I am sick." "And what kind of feelings do you feel?" I can answer "lonely, sad and angry." Then, you can get the answer "I want to get happiness to communicate with the other person" in "Then what do I want to feel?" By asking what is 'what', you will be aware of your current situation and willing to change your situation to a better situation.

◆ Questions about 'How' = If you understand what you are feeling and what you want to do, then you should ask 'How'. It is a step for practical relations.

The question is, "How can I regain the relationship with the person?" Or "How can I organize the relationship?" It is a process of finding a recovery method if the conflict with the opponent is not severe, and a method of sorting out the relationship if the problem is difficult to cope with like violence. I will try to find a way to get help from a friend who knows my situation well, or to get advice from an expert.

In other words, 'what' is a step to gain a full understanding of the fact that you are having a painful time, and 'how' is a step that you can plan and practice to get out of that time. When you are having an uncomfortable relationship with someone, do not stay with the question 'why' anymore.